Explicit Spankin’ the Monkey | Ed (1997)
Ep. 32

Spankin’ the Monkey | Ed (1997)

Episode description

Joey from Friends did a movie between the first and second seasons and it bombed.


Intro: Song: Lobby Time from Incomptech.com.


Brendan gets a new cellular telephone and is way too excited about something that everyone else already has in their pockets. #adulting. Do you pay too much for mobile data? Canada is one of the countries with the highest prices for mobile data in the whole entire world.


Brendan introduces his new drink: Sangria la-ti-da.


Alex has an idea. Please congratulate him at refined90scinema@gmail.com. We discuss our upcoming reunion and how we will fall back in-love once we can record in the same room.


Introducing (Alex's new segment) Dirty Laundry. Do you put on a new pair of socks everyday? If not, you should, because your feet will stink badly. Change your underwear and your socks daily. Multiple times a day if you sweat. Send us your sock recommendations.


We fail to properly parody Brokeback Mountain and then we learn some fascinating facts about the famous Kentucky River and its importance as a source of drinking water for its surrounding areas.


Back to our Drinks of the Week. Alex takes a trip to the liquor store and insults a customer service representative whilst realizing that he is creepy and old since he turned 30 years old. People be thinkin' you creepin'.


The movie for this week is finally revealed. It's 1996's Ed starring Matt Leblanc.**_ _**The recent Friend's HBO Reunion and Matt Leblanc is revealed as being a horrible actor without Friends.


Ed (1996) was a commercial flop and failure. We discuss our opinions as to why? Was it promoted properly? Did it get bumpers and commercials before and after Friends? Is Friends actually funny? How many times can I say Friends? It has a zero on Rotten Tomatoes.


After many trials and salutations we start the movie. It begins with M. Night Leblanc playing baseball with a horrible green screen behind him. He gets to milk a cow because he is uneducated? His mother looks like Chris Farley in a wig. Matt meets his arch enemy and we see the wife from Jingle All the Way. Just kidding, it's actually Jayne Brook from Kindergarten Cop.


Kirby Woods unveils his plan to get the team back into fighting form. A classic tale of Tribiani's. They changed his hair. Is it a hair piece? The plan involved a monkey. We meet the eponymous monkey named Ed. Looks like a toupee. The monkey is a great baseball player!


Matt Leblanc needs to prove himself in order to stay on the team. So he pitches in front of the team. Naturally, this leads him to be chosen as the monkey's new roommate. Ed gets high from eating a flower and then uses some air freshener. The next morning, Matt has an even darker fake tan and he practices pitching, even though Ed is way better than him. Then we see a refined favourite, Kevin Kopelow. Turns out, it's not Chubbs, it's another guy.


One-note character, Jack 'Coop' Tribiani is doing monkey business #TCOMB. Now, inevitably, Jack 'Coop' and Ed are becoming friends. They do some pitching and catching with varying degrees of success. They finally put Ed Sullivan (Monkey) on the field.


Ed hits the field and becomes immediately famous. We figure out who actually played Ed in the costume in the movie. Who gets cut during Cut Day? It doesn't matter, because it's not Ed and It's not Jack. They continue bonding and Ed drives a drunk Coop home. They also share a toilet. We then compare Friends and Ed. Marcel vs. Ed is a definite contender for a sequel.


We digress into pausing the movie for wine and making Refined 90's history by deciding if we will even bother finishing this awful movie. Do you YEET? We at least know how to conjugate the verb. How do you do your laundry? Now back to this ridiculous movie…


Part 2. Back to the movie.

Jack and the little girl's mom go on a date. He's all shoulders and back. Ed babysits and they make a huge mess. But, we think the couple gets it on. Then we go back to the field where a group of businessmen are scheming about how they can screw over Ed and take all his money. Chocolate banana anyone?


They steal Ed with 25 minutes to go. Jack's new girlfriend is very unhappy with him. The hallway they are in looks like it's from the K&P Slap-Ass Sketch and Ed was traded in secret according to the team owner.


The Championship Game. They won the game. Alex wants a Nutty Nanner because the ending is worse than in The Cube. We then Whose Line the credits. Since the movie is useless.


Budget breakdown for the film to try to figure out how much of a colossal failure it truly was. And we're done. That's it. Why did we even watch this movie? So, shut up. The End.